My Chi is Elusive

I went to acupuncture for the first time tonight to deal with my perimenopausal issues.

Top Ten Things My Acupunturist Said:

1. (Looking at my tongue): How interesting! (I just had a cough drop. That explains the unusual color. I am not a kimono dragon.)
1. Your chi is elusive. (I've often been told this).
2. Would you say when you get emotional you cry a lot or get angry? (What the hell do you think, hippie-man?)
3. After you left your home town, what was the trajectory of your life? (I hope up!)
4. You have the skin and feet of an artist (Picasso had my feet? Yuck)
5. When I go to lunch, people often comment that I smell like pot, but it's actually the herb I light on fire on your back ("I thought the waiting room smelled like "Fast Times at Ridgemont High")
6. I think your brain is going all the time and can't shut off (I'm aware I have ADD, Dr. Freud)
7. So if there's a lot of men where you work, you must be doing a lot of dating (Mother Theresa got more action)
8. Were you planning on doing any drinking tonight? (It's Friday - is Nathan Lane gay?)
9. Women are actually quite lucky because menstruation gets rid of all their bad blood (I feel the ecstasy once a month)
10. Anxiety is probably your biggest problem (what gave it away? the twitching eyeball?)